Merry Christmas to everyone!!!
想你有时会缺氧
嘴角不自觉上扬
这是不是幸福的现象
胸口微微的发烫
想你有时会缺氧
脸红呼吸不正常
这是不是幸福的症状
不知不觉又缺氧
那么简单的词， 却那么贴切的形容了恋爱中的感觉。
只可惜... 到现在，都还没遇见能够让我缺氧的人。
继续寻找吧，或许...下一个就是对的了。
只怕... 又再一次的上错车。
继续等吧，或许... 幸福真的就在不远处。
只怕... 一辈子等不到。
Haven't updated for quite some time. Didn't have the mood and the time, I guess. Life was full of Orientation, Angklung, and Green Link right after I came home in November. Now that Angklung's performances are done for the year, Green Link's EOP is over, there's only Orientation 2008 left!! Woohoo! Oh yes. A glimpse of our Tyraz banner!!
I still remember almost 1 year ago when the PAE postings came out. I was so confident then that I would get into my 1st choice JC (then, VJC), imagine the horror and shock when I saw that it was : NATIONAL JUNIOR COLLEGE (SCIENCE) !!! Hahah but now there's no regrets coming here. I mean, I probably won't be able to fit in in other colleges like in NJ. I admit that I did wonder, how different life would be if I had gotten into VJ, living in Victoria Hall (with free internet!), cycling to school every day, off to ECP during weekends. But really, there's no point looking back and saying "What if...". I've been asking myself (and others) a lot of 'what-ifs' these few days, such as "What if I wasn't in Terra HAT?", "What if I wasn't in Open Day?", "What if I'm shorter?", "What if I did better for Os and prelims?", "What if I didn't come to Singapore?", "What if I said yes to him?", "What if I was in SIS1 instead of SIS2?"... Endless what-ifs.
Read the newspaper today (once in a blue moon), and I really think that life is so so so fragile. How many people leave the world everyday? Is death scary? How does it feel like to know that you're dying? Sometimes it's just unfair, when you see the people around you leave and we wish that it wasn't him or her. But then, when it happens to other people whom you do not know, the pain won't be felt in you, but it'll still be felt in someone else. I guess everyone gets their fair share of dealing with such matters in life.
Accidents can be avoided. But then again, if it can be prevented, it won't be called an 'accident' anymore, right? I know it's cliche, but what they say is really true. Appreciate those around you when you have the chance, do not wait until it's too late. Yeah, who knows what will happen? One moment, I'm here. The next, I might be... well. But if I suddenly start going up to my friends and family and tell them I love them, they will think there's a screw loose in me. Hahah. Maybe I'll write love letters to tell them!! =D
Ok I'm uber hungry now. I want char kuay teow!!!!!!!
Few days ago I posed this question to the HAT. "How many real friends do you really have?" Yep. So I'm throwing this question back at myself. How many real friends do I really have? Or rather, do I even have real friends?
Define real friends. I think at least for me, the meaning of a 'real friend' varies from time to time. When you're 8, a real friend is someone who passes folded messages to you in class despite sitting 2 aisles away; who waits for you during recess and lunch breaks; who goes cycling or walking around the neighbourhood with you; and who invites you to her house for birthday parties of every single family member of hers.
When you're 18, a real friend is someone who lends you a shoulder to cry on when you can't get the dream guy you want; who promises you treats like movies and Starbucks whenever you ace your exams; who sits there quietly just listening to you complain about your school, your friends, your family, your life; and who pangsehs their other friends just to go out with you to watch a movie that you badly want to catch before it ends its run in the cinemas.
When you're 28, a real friend is someone who introduces their eligible colleagues to you who's still desperately single; who gives you a call whenever she gets hold of discount vouchers so that you all can go splurge together; and who confides in you about her secret fantasies about her getting married to a George Clooney equivalent.
When you're 38, a real friend is someone who worries about matters of your whole family, including your husband, your kids, and even your maid; who plans holiday trips for both your family and hers; and who makes an effort to visit you every year even when she's staying in a place miles away.
[I'm too lazy to write about friends at 48]
When you're 58, a real friend is someone who calls you and discusses her (or her husband's) retirement plans with you; who secretly expresses her wishes to be a grandmom; and who actually still remembers your favourite colour, which your husband can't even remember.
[Again I'm lazy to write about 68]
When you're 78, well... I haven't thought that far into the future. So I'll just leave this blank first.
Yes. Well. So how many real friends do I really have? I have no idea. I don't know whether it's real friends that are hard to come by, or it's the fact that I'm refusing to open up to other people. I'm guessing the latter. Erh. Yes I admit that I do not like confiding in someone, probably due to past experiences that I shall not elaborate here. Friends do come and go, when I was 8 I thought my best friend then would be forever, but apparently life isn't so perfect. At 14 we didn't talk, and at 15 when I left for Singapore, my attempt to reconcile the friendship didn't really succeed. On the other hand, at 15, I made friends which, I thought, would be forever too. Till now things are still going fine, although I have no idea when we will lose contact in the future. Let's not think too much about the future.
People change. So do I. There's nothing wrong about change. It all depends whether the change is for better or for worse, isn't it? Changing is actually a type of self-defense, it's to protect ourselves from the world, from people around us.
I've never felt so... lost in my life. For everything I do, there's no aim. No goal. For a JC student, yeah, the main aim is of course to study. But how do I aim the ball to kick into the goal when this isn't even the ball I want to kick in the first place? Everyday I question myself, why am I here? Because I obtained the scholarship that I never wanted? I made myself busy to occupy the emptiness in me. But in the end it made me even more lonely. Because of the commitments, I've pulled myself away from others, from friends, and even family. I couldn't perform up to expectations. How many times have I teared just because I couldn't withstand the immense pressure? The knowledge of the consequences that I will face is terrifying enough, but yet what gives me nightmares is the fact that I would not even be able to reach the next stage. What if I succumb and lose my way in the midst of the huge maze? There'll never be a compass, never be a map. Then I'll never find the exit. And maybe I'll just lose myself eventually.
And somehow, jogging around the neighbourhood at night helps to clear my mind. I'm not using Clear just because of Rain ok. I really love the quiet night and the sound of the wind. Let's just hope I don't run into anyone dangerous.
Ahh. Decided to erase this entry. No point keeping it and get worked up every time I see this.
So smiles everyone!! :DDD
雨过天晴
You Are An INFP 
The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.
At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.
How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak
hmm... quite true I guess. Especially for the relationship part. XD
But the test I took in school said I was ISTJ. O.o!! Did I change so much in half a year?? The only thing that holds is that.. I'm still an 'I'. Haha. That'll never change, I think.
Which reminded me of something. 'Change Me'!! Lee Hom's new album. LOL :P